August 17th - I am a college student again!!!

It seems that if I were to think about the question of what I want to be when I grow up and look at all the evidence the answer would be a student.

Today I started my first day of classes that will lead me to becoming an RN. As I write this I am exhausted. The exhaustion has nothing to do with school and even though I know I should sleep soon I am sure I will at least read and take notes on the first chapter of my new textbook. My exhaustion stems from the last couple of days. Saturday we had roughly 30 people to dinner and then after about 3 hours of restless sleep I left for a long day of traveling. I was fortunate to have a wonderful companion, but it was still about 17 hours of driving between the two of us, a few meals, a walking tour of Auburn's campus, and the retrieval of my three youngest children. We arrived home at a little after 5am and then after a short nap my day began.

My training has been abysmal and I am going nuts not being able to run like I want to. The bike is helping, but it doesn't quite satisfy the desire to run. I will see my new surgeon on Wednesday to see what we need to do to get me back to running. I was assured he is quite the athlete so he should understand me and my desire (need) to get back to training racing as soon as possible. I have had to cancel a race that I have been looking forward to for a year now, a race where I have unfinished business, and it is really messing with my mind not being able to go. I hope to use this time to completely heal all the little injuries that have been plaguing me and to become stronger and faster then ever. And that detail/plan is what leads me to this uncharacteristic post.

I am again going to try to update and journal my training and progress on a regular (dare I even hope for daily) basis. My current plan is to bike to and from school (5 miles each way, so not a real workout) four days a week with a session in the weight room at the school each of those days. I will also be running as much as allowed, but I will follow my doctor's lead and recover from this correctly. I intend to get up before the kids and either run, bike, do a pilates session, or crossfit at least 5 days during the week and maybe do a kid related outdoor activity one day of each weekend. I would also like to do a long ride (run when allowed) on the day I have free from class. This should provide me with enough training to stay sane without having to take any time away from the children and my husband. I hope to have one day a week be a rest day (but I do define that term loosely). I say I hope to have a rest day, and I will ask for help enforcing this rule, but I do not do rest days well. My favorite rest day in Texas was to walk about 8 to 9 miles to the store to shop for groceries and do all my errands and then carry all the purchases home in a ruck sack on my back during the hottest part of the day for a round trip of about 18 miles. I define this as a rest day, my husband does not.

Okay, enough rambling. I don't know if anyone follows on a regular basis, but if you do and are interested, you are welcome to badger me to make posts and keep this up. I have put my intentions out there and now just need to follow them.

2009 Massanutten Mountain Trails 100 Mile Run
By Abigail Anne Meadows

I arrived at the ranch for packet pick-up and the race briefing and dinner mid afternoon on Friday May 15th. I was looking forward to seeing some familiar faces and to putting faces to names of other runners that I know only through mutual acquaintances or the e-mail list I am a member of. When I got to packet pick-up and looked around at all the runners and crew already assembled it felt like I had crashed a family reunion. There is such a sense of family among the runners, even moreso than I had noticed at other races. I began to understand what a friend said when he commented that Massanutten would get in your blood and you will return year after year. I also began to wonder if I was the only person that was not a member of VHTRC or a returning runner. It didn’t take long before I was welcomed to the family and learned that I was not the only “virgin” there. Soon it was time for the pre-race briefing. I wanted to have a good seat and listen closely since it was my first year and I was running in the Stonewall Jackson Solo Division. I had not originally signed up for this division and thought, almost until race day, that I would have a crew and a pacer, but this wasn’t to be the case. I was a little scared about this since all the reports and info I had read on the race highly suggested a crew and pacer if possible and it seemed that everyone that heard I was in the solo division asked if I was crazy and said they wouldn’t take that route. Being used to these types of comments about my state of mind, I didn’t let them scare me too much. I knew that I had two options, run unaided or not run. The choice was obvious.

I listened to the briefing while icing my left knee. Four weeks before the run I had an acute injury of my left leg while sprinting (I know, what business does an ultrarunner have doing sprint repeats). It seems that I managed a partial tear of my medial gastroc head, a rupture of a Baker’s Cyst, and the MRI revealed a decent stress injury to the tibia. Since the injury, I had tailored my training to allow the most healing with the least loss of fitness. The race would be the test of this plan. In all honesty, my ortho did not think the race was the best idea and said that they would be much more comfortable if the race were a few weeks later. Seeing as how I had made it off the wait list and I was going to be in the area anyhow for a family event I decided to give it a try. Worst case scenario I wouldn’t make it. While I would not be happy going home with a DNF, it wouldn’t be the first time I had to pull out of a race and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. In some ways it took all the pressure off. I was unexpectedly without crew and injured and probably in a position in which no one thought I would finish. In my opinion I was in a win-win situation. Best case scenario I came home with a buckle, worst case I got to spend a day running in the mountains with a fabulous group of people. There really wasn’t a downside that I could see.

The pre-race briefing concluded and I went to the car for my drop bags. I had packed a drop bag for each aid station, although in a few all I had was a bottle of Ensure and a Kashi bar. While I have completed several ultras, I only had 2 official 100 mile finishes under my belt. My body and muscles are trained and up to the 100 mile distance, but I have had to contend with stomach issues in every event longer than 50 miles and occasionally at the 50 mile distance. My biggest concern was getting in enough calories without getting an upset stomach. I was going to be trying Succeed S!Caps and Clip 2 for the first time during this event. I did not like going into an event with an untried strategy, but due to the injuries I had not been able to test out the new strategy and figured that my stomach issues certainly couldn’t be any worse than with the old strategy so, why the hell not?

I quickly got my drop bags to the designated areas and then grabbed chow before going back to the hotel to get a few hours of sleep before the pre-race check-in. I slept okay, not great, but it ended up being better than I had slept all week. Due to life circumstances I had only one good night’s sleep in the previous week, with two nights only measuring in at about an hour and forty minutes each, one night of four hours, and one of six. I knew that I was probably going to be sleepy and had included caffeine as part of my race strategy. I was going to start the caffeine around 7 pm with only a little at a time so as to not overload the system or cause stomach issues. It turned out that sleep was the only really negative issue that I had to deal with during the entire race.

I arrived at the race headquarters shortly after 4am and immediately found the check-in area. I checked in, then I made my way to the breakfast buffet to see if there was anything else that I wanted to eat or drink before taking off. A couple of bites of fruit and I was ready to head out to the start line. I was amazingly calm for the start of the race. My whole goal was to run my race and not get caught up in anyone else’s. I wanted to start very conservatively so as to give my knee and other injuries adequate time to warm up. I know that it often takes me up to 20 miles to finally feel completely warmed up and fluid. I had decided to start with a handheld flashlight and one handheld bottle and would pick up my waist pack at Veach Gap Aid Station so I could add a second water bottle before the day began to get too warm.

The race starts and we all head out onto the blacktop to run the first 2.4 mile portion. I do not like running on pavement, but in a race this size it allows for the field to spread out nicely so that we aren’t bottlenecked immediately on a single track trail. The length to the turnoff to the trail is also just right to let the field sort themselves out. I arrived at the MT Trailhead turnoff and there was Keith Dunn filling water bottles. It was wonderful to see a smiling and familiar face. I allowed him to refill my water bottle and then I headed into the woods.

As soon as we headed into the woods we began the first climb of the race. It is a major climb. This section is 6.3 miles and consists of going up for the first half and then coming down the second. It was here that I was introduced to Massanutten’s famous rocks. Growing up in the mountains of Virginia and Tennessee I thought I knew what I was getting into with the rocks. I vastly underestimated the rocks of this race. There is a reason that they are legendary and that the race motto is ‘Massanutten Rocks!’ It isn’t just that there are rocks of every shape and size, but that there isn’t a foot fall that doesn’t in some way land on or is altered by the placement of these rocks and it seems that none of the rocks show a flat side. Not complaining here, in fact I loved it. The greater the challenge the happier a girl I am. I was smiling and occasionally laughing out loud at the sheer joy of running in these mountains. I currently live in south Texas and I do not have access to any mountains, it is a drive just to get to the “hills” of hill country. For climbing training I have had to rely on the stair climber in the gym. I love mountains. I need mountains. The best I can describe it is that I am like a rechargeable battery and my charge comes from being in the mountains. I can survive outside of them for a while, but I have to get back to the mountains so I can breath again. To be completely accurate I not only need to be in the mountains, but I need to be running in the mountains. I knew I was looking at more than 30 hours with my only task being to run in the mountains. I had to be the luckiest woman alive. Throughout the race, as the weather changed, the sleepiness took over, the cold invaded me to the bone, I never for an instant lost this feeling of being the luckiest person in the world. This is one of the many reasons I run ultras, I get to selfishly do nothing but run for a period of hours. What could be better? Oops, here I go on a tangent, back to the race. It was just as I was completing this first ascent that I saw the first of many breathtaking views. I was on a ridgeline and the clouds had settled in the valley below. This is what it is all about, pushing the body and being rewarded with not only the feeling of being completely alive physically, but also the views that can only be found when on foot in the mountains.

I arrived at the Shawl Gap Aid Station at 6:46am and quickly grab my bag to down an Ensure, grab a Kashi bar, and drop-off my flashlight. Leaving this aid station is quite unique in this race in that you leave going down hill for a stretch. Although I have the course profile laminated and on my person, I have not yet taken note of the fact that all aid stations lead to a significant climb. To be honest I prefer going uphill. I am a strong climber and not such a good downhill runner. I am working on the downhill part of running. I enjoyed running downhill during this section despite the fact that I had just filled my stomach. It is a short 3.1 miles to the Veach Gap Aid Station consisting of the first half being downhill and the second half being a climb that will put the aid station at a slightly higher elevation than the one that we just left. This was thoroughly enjoyable and the time passed quickly.

I arrived at the Veach Gap Aid Station at 7:23am and made my way to my drop bag. This is where I had put my waist pack and a second bottle that I would be filling with Clip 2, of which I had planned to drink approximately one per hour. I poured the powder in and filled the bottle with water and was off, allowing the drink to mix as I ran. I had yet to taste this drink and was hoping that it would agree with me. I do not have a sweet tooth and tend to gag on any sport drink or soda most of the time, with the exception that I will take in half a cup of soft drink once in a while during a race as long as it still had it’s fizz. I thank the aid station volunteers for being so helpful (they were wonderful throughout the race, where do they find such wonderful people, if you ever doubt that there are truly good, decent, giving people then go to an ultra and your faith in humanity will be restored, you will be humbled and amazed, you will find a group of people that are giving of their time to be out in the elements waiting on runners hand and foot regardless of the weather for an extended period of time, they are all truly saints and no amount of thank you's can convey how they make me feel). Heading back out onto the course, the next section is 5.1 miles and begins with a steep climb after which there is a sharp downhill section followed by more up then down, much like all of the course. There is very little of this course that isn’t a steep climb or a steep descent. I was loving every minute of it.

I make it to the Milford Gap Aid Station at 8:36am. I wasn’t doing any major changes to my gear while there so I made a quick refill of my bottles and downed another Ensure before taking off towards the next aid station. This is the first long section of the race as far as distance between aid stations goes, it is nearly 8 miles in length. I had thought about picking up my CamelBak here, but after studying the course profile and realizing that after a short climb immediately following the aid station that the entire distance consisted of downhill running decided to place my CamelBak at the next station. My CamelBak and I get along fairly well on climbs, but it tends to chafe me on the downhills. This portion of the course was as beautiful as all the rest and was run pretty quickly. I had pictured being able to run the downhills fairly easily, but the placement of the rocks did not make this the case for me. As soon as I would start to feel like I could really let go and step it out there would be some oddly placed rocks that would make me slow my footing. I probably could have gotten frustrated here, but did not. I enjoyed the change up in pace and all went well with only one little fall that wasn’t even really worth mentioning. No soreness, no loss of skin. I felt like I was making pretty good time as I headed to the next aid station and what I had heard described as possibly the most difficult climb of the race.

I arrived at the Habron Gap Aid Station at 10:05am. I realize that it has taken me 5 hours to run less than 25 miles. I had not come here with the intentions of setting any land speed records and was happy with the time considering that I felt wonderful and energetic and that, if anything, I had more energy than when the race started. Since I have a history of having nausea issues late in a race and difficulty taking in calories in the second half I wanted to both go out conservatively and to make good time. My strategy for this was simple, minimize aid station time and keep moving. Grab food to eat on the climbs and get in and out as quickly as possible. I downed another Ensure, donned my CamelBak which I had already packed with my drink packets and food and was off. As I headed up the mountain I realized that I somehow forgot to burp my CamelBak. This is not a big issue, but the sloshing sound does tend to annoy me and I am not entirely sure that the extra movement caused by the air bubble doesn’t in some way contribute to the chafing. Shortly after leaving the aid station I decide to burp the bladder by basically bending my self in half with my butt up in the air and sucking the air/water from the tube until no air remains. It was then that a runner approached and seemed quite concerned that I was not okay. It must have looked bad upon approach with me bent double and spitting to the side, I am sure they thought I was losing my stomach. I assured them I was fine and was quickly back to the task of climbing the mountain. My legs felt strong and I did not get tired or ever feel like I needed a break from the climb. It was thoroughly enjoyable and I was amazed at the strength in my legs since I was definitely not getting any mountain training in back home. Instead of this climb ending in a summit and immediate descent, it runs along at a relatively constant elevation, this does not mean flat by any stretch of the imagination, but no long climbs or descents. I was very happy when the ridgeline was over and I could begin my descent. It wasn’t that I did not like being on the ridgeline, but the footing made me feel like I was moving slower than I should be for the relatively flat portion of the course. It was not a portion that I was able to run with my current training since I was having to be very careful of my footing and I was pretty frustrated with my self for the pace. I was still feeling strong, but I was also being very careful of my knee and leg and waiting for them to start giving me problems. Luckily they never did and I made the 9.5 mile portion in a little under 2 and a half hours.

I arrived at the Camp Roosevelt Aid Station at 12:32pm very happy that I had followed the advice of a friend and fellow runner to add the CamelBak to this portion of the run. The day had gotten quite hot and very humid and much of the section I had just completed was exposed. I had timed it perfectly and finished both handheld bottles and my CamelBak within sight of the aid station. As I passed through the aid station I had my CamelBak refilled, also refilling my handheld and adding a Clip 2 for fuel. I made sure to down an Ensure and grabbed another Kashi bar for the trail. I had planned on leaving a handheld here, and debated with myself for a moment before placing it in my drop bag since it was still really warm. But I knew that I had another stowed in a drop bag at the Visitor’s Center for after the long portions that would be run in the heat of the day. Once I made the decision to stow the bottle I was off without a second thought. One thing I am good at is that once I make a decision I do not second guess myself or beat myself up over it. This next portion of the race involves a steep ascent followed by a steep descent. It is only 5.6 miles long, but nothing to be taken lightly (actually, nothing on this course is to be taken lightly, they are nearly all steep and wonderful).

I arrived at the Gap Creek Aid Station at 2:03pm after a very steep one plus mile downhill stretch. This is the only aid station that we visit twice and I had two stops worth of items in one bag. I had put my flashlight and headlamp in this bag since I wanted to make sure that I would have them when it got dark. I didn’t expect to need them before at least the Visitor Center Aid Station if not the Picnic Area Aid Station but was not willing to be caught out without a light on these rocky trails without much moonlight and with a pretty good chance that it would be raining. I drank another Ensure and got out of the aid station as quickly as possible. The next section of the race is 8.4 miles long and includes what may be the longest relatively flat portion of the course, I say relatively flat since there is no flat, just no big climbs. As I neared the top of the climb that leads directly out of the aid station (many false summits on this portion) a couple of runners fell in behind me. I offered to step aside and let them pass but they insisted that they were happy where they were. At the top of this climb we have to run along the ridgeline for about four miles and this was for me the hardest part of the course. The footing took absolute concentration. You could not look away from the trail for a second, but at the same time you had to be looking ahead if you wanted to make good time of it since none of it was flat, it just rolled gently for what seemed forever. I was very happy to have my CamelBak so that I could drink without having to tilt my head back or take my eyes off the trail. I don’t think I could describe any of the scenery for this part other than the rocks that were under my feet I was concentrating so hard on keeping up my momentum. I knew it was due to start raining later and that the rain would make this a slower race due to many of the trails being the run-off path for the water. It was here that I once again offered the pair of runners that had fallen in behind me to pass. While I definitely do not like to follow closely behind someone on difficult footing, I am not a big fan of someone being right behind me, I always feel that I am slowing them down or that I am in their way. They insisted that they were perfectly happy and that they were in heads down hiking mode and their current universe consisted of my hot pink gaiters and the foot placement that I was making. It wasn’t the physical difficulty of this portion, but the mental aspect of absolute concentration and the fact that I knew I should be able to cover this type of terrain faster than I was moving at this time, that posed a slight annoyance. I was not tired physically, I was just being very cautious. We finally began the descent that would lead us into the Visitor Center Aid Station. I started thinking about what I wanted to accomplish when I reached the aid station and before I knew it I was there.

I arrived at the Visitor Center Aid Station at 4:28pm. This was as close as we were going to get to a midpoint in the race. I was happy with my time and with my body. I was in no pain or physical discomfort other than a blister on my foot that had developed early and torn itself open so it was not going to retain any fluid. I decided to just ignore it. As for the injuries that I came into the race with, they were nowhere to be felt. I was a little worried about not having any pain, but it wouldn’t be the first time I had gone into a run injured and have the injury disappear somewhere around 40 miles and never return. My theory is that it finally gives up it’s battle of the wills. I had put my tights in the drop bag for this station and knew that I would need to change into them or carry them. The worst of the heat for the day was over and I figured that I had better put them on rather than try to carry them and change later. It isn’t easy getting into compression tights under any circumstances, and being sweaty, covered in dust and dirt, and a little swollen from running nearly 50 miles doesn’t make it any easier. As I ran into the aid station I asked if there was a place to change or someone willing to step to the side of the clearing and hold up a towel or blanket for me. There were several volunteers to hold up a towel or make a wall for me, but then I was offered the bed of a truck that had a camper on it so decided that that would be the best bet. I didn’t care and would have had no hesitation to just change in the field, but did not want to make the other runners and their crews and families uncomfortable. I changed out of my shorts into the ¾ length tights more for their compression feature around my knee and calf than for any warmth (I would be grateful for the warmth later) but decided it was too warm to change into the long sleeve top I had brought. Here I was stumped for a moment. I did not want to leave the top, the gloves and the heavier rain jacket, but did not want to put them on just yet. There was no room in my waist pack for the items, and I did not want to carry them in my hands since I had planned to dump my CamelBak and would want a couple of water bottles. I decided to remove the bladder from my CamelBak and then stuff the clothes that I would be taking along into the bladder well of the pack. This worked perfectly and I was quickly ready to hit the trail again as soon as I had ingested a few calories. It was here that I picked up my first Hershey Bar out of my drop bag. When I picked it up I realized that it had melted completely. At first I was disappointed since I had been looking forward to it. After a seconds thought I realized that I could just tear off the corner and eat it like a packet of gel. WOW, this was one of the most amazing things I had ever put in my mouth. The consistency was exactly that of gel, and the taste was amazing. I was tempted to just lay down and savor the experience, but knew I needed to get moving (not to mention that I imagined just how odd it would look if I lay down in complete ecstasy on the ground in the rain with my eyes rolled back in my head and sighed with pleasure, it made me a little afraid I might get pulled for being mentally unstable).

You leave the Visitor Center Aid Station and go directly into a major climb, it takes you to the highest point of the race, twice since it is an out and back shaped like a big lollipop. My legs felt strong and I was making good time, but it still took me nearly an hour and a half to go the first 3.9 miles to the Bird Knob Aid Station. I had been told to be sure and take the time to look at the views from the top. This I did, but was not as impressed as I had been at some earlier views. You could see signs of civilization from these views and I prefer to not be able to see what we have done to the land if I can keep from it. It was quite beautiful though and worth stepping off the trail to admire. After the view you have a nearly one mile portion that is downhill to the aid station. This passed fairly quickly. I was still feeling good with no pain from my injuries. All was going well. I checked in at the aid station and was gone very quickly. It was on the way back to where we link up with the stick portion of the lollipop that the sky finally looked like it was going to open up and drench us. I decided to change into my long sleeve top and lightweight rain jacket before this could happen. I made sure that there was no one close behind me and stepped to the side of the trail (literally right to the side) and took off my top, it was here that I discovered that I didn’t take into account that my top had a built in jog bra and I had not packed another. No big deal, my breasts are perfectly suited for long distance running and I only wear the jog bra for the extra storage it provides. The next thing you know I am standing on the trail bare from the waist up except for a heart rate monitor strap. I quickly pulled on my new top, lightweight rain shell, and rain hat and shoved everything else back into my pack and before I can take a single step the bottom fell out of the sky and it wasn’t just raining, it was pouring. I had to smile and give myself a little pat on the back for my timing here. It was dead on. Not that I mind getting drenched, in fact I love running in cold pouring rain, nothing makes me feel as alive, but I knew I was going to have issues staying warm through the night and knew I needed to be smart here. From here to the Picnic Area Aid Station is all downhill and it was nice to see some of my fellow runners and friends as they headed up the hill towards Bird Knob. I felt energized and happy as I made my way to the aid station.

I arrived at the Picnic Area Aid Station at 7:25pm. This portion was only 4.3 miles and was predominately downhill so I was a little disappointed that it took me so long, but I did change clothes and I know I am not the strongest downhill runner and was still being cautious with the knee and leg so I was okay with the time, not extremely happy, but okay. The best part was that I was still feeling strong, energetic and happy. Can’t ask for much more. I quickly shed my CamelBak pack since it was now an empty shell and drank another Ensure and grabbed a Hershey bar to take with me (more than a little disappointed that this one wasn’t completely melted and that I did not have a jog bra in which to melt it). I am sure that I ate at the aid station, but for the life of me can’t remember what. All the aid stations had good food and I was so grateful for the volunteers being out here for us. The weather was terrible for them, but they were cheerful and seemed happy to be where they were, doing what they were doing. I was especially grateful since I had no crew. I double checked that I had my headlamp and flashlight and extra batteries and was off. I knew it would be 8.5 miles until my next drop bag access and that it would be dark so the going would be a little slower. Not that I mind running in the dark, I love running in the dark, I love even more running in the dark when it is raining. But it does make one move slower.

This section consisted of a long climb followed by a shorter, but very steep downhill that led into the next aid station. It was raining and wet and wonderful. I was completely alone and loving it. I love running at night when it feels like I am the only person in the world. I was positioned so that I did not even see the headlamps of the fellow runners and was able to feel completely alone on the course. It was wonderful and I let my mind wander and dream while I kept my body moving forward. I took frequent assessments of my physical state. Legs still felt strong, still had a lot of energy and I was as happy as a girl could get. No pain from the injuries and only a couple of hot spots on the feet, nothing that actually hurt, just noticeable enough to be aware that they were there. I was still being very cautious so as to not aggravate my knee, but moving pretty good.

I arrived back at the Gap Creek Aid Station at 10:13pm. 8.5 miles in 2 and ¾ hours. Not great time, but not too bad either. I was happy and made a quick transition in the aid station. I was warned that crew would not be able to access the next aid station even though it was a crew access point since the rain had taken out the road leading in. Knowing that this would not affect me since I was doing this solo I filed away the info and took off. This next portion was among the shortest on the course, but was going to be tough with a very sharp ascent followed by a sharp descent into the aid station. I concentrated on keeping my head down and watching my foot placement and made this section in about an hour and a quarter. Seems like a long time to go less than three miles, but I was feeling strong and making consistent progress, no stopping or resting required so I felt pretty good about it.

I arrived at the Moreland Gap Aid Station at 11:29pm and quickly refilled my bottles and grabbed some food from my drop bag. I did not want an Ensure, but knew I would need the calories and was still concerned that my stomach would turn on me at some point (it always had before) so I downed one anyway. I put another Hershey Bar in my pocket and was off. This next section is 8.2 miles long and involves a very steep climb followed a by run along the ridgeline for several miles before heading back off the mountain for the next aid station. I was not looking forward to the ridgeline since I now knew that the footing would be as bad or worse than on the climbs and descents and that I would probably be dealing with some good winds and blowing rain while traversing this portion of the course. It did not disappoint. It was windy and cold up there and the footing was such that you couldn’t take your eyes off the trail for a second without risking a fall or twisted ankle. It was during this portion that I had my first rough point of the race. I felt strong, my legs felt energetic, but I was getting sleepy. Not just sleepy, but I was zoning bad, hallucinating pretty spectacularly, and not able to focus on the trail. At one point I was sure that there was a cross between an aardvark and a chupacabra sitting off the side of the trail. I actually stepped off the trail to tap it on the snout, seeing as how I did not want to turn my back on it. I knew that I needed to get to the aid station and take a nap. I thought I could make it that far, I was wrong. I am sure that I could have pushed myself, but I was afraid I would take a misstep if I kept going. My legs weren’t weak and were responding to my missteps, but I knew that if I took a particularly bad one I could be risking a sprained or broken ankle, or worse. I decided to use a lull in the rain to step off the side of the trail and lay down for 15 minutes. I set my timer on my watch and lay down. Of course the timing was such that several runners were passing. Out of concern they asked if I was okay. I assured them I was, just recharging before the descent. So much for the nap, but the laying down and closing my eyes for a few minutes did make it so I could focus enough to get down off the mountain and into the aid station.

I arrived at the Edinburg Gap Aid Station at 3:22am and all I could think about was getting some sleep before going back out. My legs weren’t tired, my stomach felt fine, I was not even that cold as long as I was moving, but I knew that I needed sleep and that if I didn’t get some I would not finish the race. It really was as simple as that. Sleep or bonk. I quickly asked if there was a place to lay down, the answer was no, but they had chairs. I headed for one and asked for a blanket. I quickly wrapped myself in a cocoon and tried to nap. At first I set my alarm, thinking 20 minutes, then 40 minutes, I then realized that I was going to need to listen to my body and let it tell me when it had had enough to get me through the rest of the race. I was still very motivated and excited about getting back out on the course, so I knew that the down time would not in the least tempt me to quit. The decision to take the extra time was made because I didn’t have a crew or pacer and I knew that there were still rocky mountains to be covered in darkness. I did not want to risk an injury. With my one true goal being to finish this thing I knew I had plenty of time and I knew my legs still had much to give so I was comfortable with the rest I was going to give my brain and was not in the least interested in quitting. Quitting had never occurred to me, nor been a temptation, so I felt comfortable taking the time needed. I must have looked a sight though since several people asked how I was and seemed concerned. I did my best to say I was fine, just needed sleep. I napped in one chair for about 45 minutes, then it was suggested by an aid station angel that I move over to one closer to the propane lamp since it might be a little warmer. I moved over, laid my head on my knees, pulled the blanket over my head and dozed until I felt it time to go.

When I woke I asked for soup and coffee. I downed both and stood to go. I quickly realized that the only mistake I had made involved sleeping doubled over with my feet on the ground. My ankles were tight, not painful, but tight. I knew it would take a little while to warm them back up and that I would be relatively slow for the first part of this next section. I tried to make a quick transition and ended up forgetting to drop one of my headlamps (somehow I had picked up 2 and extra batteries) and my extra flashlight and extra batteries and left them in the pockets of my rain jacket. When I did take it off at the next aid station it felt like I was carrying bricks in my pockets, they were particularly noticeable while I was running with the jacket tied around my waist, need to remember to think about things like this on future races.

This section started with a very steep climb followed by an almost equally steep descent and then a long section of relatively equal elevation that just rolled for a number of miles. In fact all together it would be downhill or rolling for nearly ten miles before the next major climb. The climb was uneventful. Some people passed me, many more were passed by me. I felt good and the ankle seemed to be loosening up. However, immediately after cresting the top, I stepped funny on a rock that must have been balancing on a ball bearing all day just waiting for me and twisted my ankle in such a way that I think I kicked myself in the left shin with the toes of my left foot. The pain in the ankle was sharp and intense. I tried to walk it off, but that did nothing. It did not feel like a sprain, it felt like someone had inserted an ice pick in the tongue of my shoe on the front lateral side of my left ankle. No amount of walking made it lessen so I tried to run and see if that did the trick. No, no relief there, but it didn’t make matters worse and I reasoned that there would be less steps and time involved in running to the finish line as opposed to walking and everything felt strong and energetic if I just took the pain in the ankle out of the equation so I decided to run as much as possible from here on out.

I arrived at the Woodstock Tower aid station at 7:51am. This put me nearly 4 and a half hours since arriving at the last aid station for only a 8.2 mile section. I quickly did the math and realized that I had spent almost exactly 2 hours in the aid station and that it was a 2 and a half hour 8.2 mile section. This was still slow, but not as bad as it first seemed. It was still dark enough in the tree cover for the climb that the footing wasn’t exactly easy and there was a lot of water that we had to cross in this section. Not just stream crossings, but much of the trail had become either moving streams or giant puddles and the footing was slow going since the water was obscuring the lay of the rocks and so much of the foot placement was by feel. At the aid station I stowed my waist pack since I did not feel that I would need the extra water bottle for the rest of the run. I was able to head out with two water bottles and had tanked up on chow and fluids before taking off. This next section is the only part of the race in which there isn’t any major climb between aid stations. It should be a good time to make up for any time lost earlier, but with the rainfall and the ankle giving me problems it took nearly an hour and a half for me to go the 5.2 miles.

I arrived at the Powells Fort Aid Station at 9:33am and immediately grabbed food and an Ensure. I was running well and feeling strong and energetic. One of the volunteers made the statement that I had to have just dropped into the race recently since most people that were coming through this late in the race did not look as fresh and energetic. I stated that I had taken a long nap and that I was feeling fresh. Here I dropped another water bottle and was now down to just one handheld bottle and a couple of Hershey Bars for fuel on the next portion. I felt that it was plenty since it was late in the race and I had had no issues keeping down water or food throughout and I didn’t have to worry about tanking up for another whole day of running. This section was another long steep climb followed by a longer and possibly steeper descent. It went well. The ankle never stopped hurting, but I could get into a rhythm and at least make it predictable in the pain it would be causing me. I knew that I only had 12.5 miles to go from this point, and even though there were still two serious climbs I should be okay as long as the ankle did not get significantly worse. My stopping point is when I cannot run without limping. At that point I am left with walking, and if I can’t do that without limping I will just stop in place until I can either walk without limping or someone comes and gets me. Almost all my soft tissue injuries have resulted from limping or from a change in gait. I will not let that happen again.

This section consists of a 7.5 mile leg with one long climb and one long descent. The climb is shorter in duration than the descent since the next aid station is at a lower elevation. It was much like all the other climbs up to this point. In fact it was a little easier in some ways since it wasn’t quite as steep and wasn’t the longest one by any means. It was made more difficult by the amount of rainfall that we had had during the night. Much of it was muddy or submerged. The footing was tricky here. I wasn’t trying by any means to keep the feet dry, in fact I was pausing in each stream crossing to allow for an icing effect on the ankle and hoping it would offer some relief. I was however trying to avoid the sticky, shoe sucking mud pits. This took some tricky steps and was quite slowing as far as progress went. The 7.5 miles took me approximately 2 ½ hours.

I arrived at the Elizabeth Furnace Aid Station at 12:11 pm. To get here I had to cross through what looked like the end of a lake, not sure what it would have looked like prior to all the rain, but I know it was above knee deep on me and felt wonderful. It was very tempting to just stand there and let the cold water work it’s effects on what was now both ankles feeling like they either were being pierced with an ice pick or that I had developed stress fractures in both feet. Oh well, only 5 miles to go and everything felt wonderful outside of the ankles/foot juncture so I felt that things were good. I was on cloud 9, I knew that I would finish, and finish strong. The stomach issues that had plagued me in every race were nowhere to be found and I was hungry. There were pancakes with bacon and syrup. They were amazing. Perfect. Exactly what my body wanted. I ate one, drank a big cup of water and a small cup of coke, stowed my water bottle in my drop bag and headed out with a pancake in one hand and waving with the other. I had a huge smile on my face and was thinking that life really didn’t get any better than this. I knew I still had a climb and descent to do, and was looking forward to them. As long as I kept up a fairly constant pace the ankles were tolerable and I was determined to get to the finish line without any further damage.

The climb and descent were much like all the previous. I passed several people on this portion. I had been passing people ever since I woke from my nap. I have to admit that it felt good, but I really didn’t have any competitive goals here. I just wanted to go my pace for my race. When I was passed it didn’t bother me in the least. I knew that I had a climb then a downhill then I would hit a road before circling around the ranch where I would run across the field to the finish line.

I came off the trail and could see what I thought was the ranch up ahead. I was wrong, maybe it was “a ranch,” but it wasn’t “the ranch.” What stunned me was my reaction. I started sobbing, not just tearing up as I had done at Heartland, but sobbing. I couldn’t catch my breath. My first reaction was to tell myself “no, you don’t.” anyone that knows me knows that I do not cry and I definitely do not sob. I might growl or roar, I might need to split a cord of firewood or have a good session with my heavy bag, but I do not cry. I got ahold of myself pretty quickly only to discover that I was not actually in sight of the finish line. I used the confusion of running past what I thought was the ranch to explore the emotion a little. Was I just happy and relieved to be done, no actually, I was not. I wanted to keep going. I wasn’t ready to be done. I was running very well, it felt like any other Sunday morning run. it felt wonderful (except for the ankles, but nothing is perfect).

As I ran through the wooded portion prior to reaching the real destination I felt like I was in heaven. I started to hear the music and the announcements of fellow runners crossing the finish line and I started to sob again. This time I decided to let it run it’s course, well, sort of, you can’t run if you can’t breathe. It cleared up as I exited the woodline and began to make my way across the field. I ran across the field, it felt wonderful. I was done, I was crossing the finish line, I was being welcomed back to the ranch. It was a wonderful feeling. My legs still felt strong, I was full of energy. If my ankles had not been so excruciating I would have turned around and ran back for a friend that I knew was an hour or more behind me. In the end, I made the wise decision (severe tendonitis in the ankle with three of the toes pretty much paralyzed for about a week) to stay put at the ranch and quickly ran up the stairs to my drop bag to get my warm overshirt so I could hang out at the finish line to see my friends finish their races.

As far as the races I have attempted and the races I have finished go, this one is my favorite. I loved the challenge and the terrain. I loved the feel of family that was definitely present here. There is that feeling at all the races I have attempted, but this one was just a little different. I fell in love, I will be back every time I am lucky enough to make it through the lottery. I will be back as a volunteer anytime I am not lucky enough to make it through the lottery. With several family members and friends living in the Richmond area I will be back here to train and run and hike and camp. I can’t wait to bring my kids.

If all of this isn’t enough reason enough for you to throw your hat into the lottery and make your way to this race, the finisher’s buckle is flat out awesome!

Thursday May 28, 2009

Day Two keeping a journal here.

Still bummed about not running. Went to gym this morning and spent nearly an hour spinning before doing a shoulder workout. Was pleasantly surprised to find that I had to go up a decent amount in weight from pre MMT. Wonder if it is from rest, or if running ultras really does make me stronger. I think this to be true, but have been told it probably isn't the case since they should be breaking down, not strengthening, my upper body Felt good. Legs will probably be a little sore tomorrow from spinning. They are a little tight today from yesterday.

The rest of my day's "workout" (can you call walking a workout? or is it a pastime?) consisted of a nearly 4 hour fast walk with a ruck on my back. It was my youngest's day for snacks at school and I decided to walk them over instead of driving and then stopped by the grocery store on the way home for fresh supplies. Did another half hour with the three youngest after they arrived home.

This is really boring reading, but I need a place and way to keep a log. We'll see how long I keep it up. Maybe I can find a way to hide it in the margins...

Wednesday, May 27 2009

I am going to attempt to start updating my blog on a regular basis. I do not keep any type of training log other than the one in my head, but may attempt to keep one here.



Today I am still dealing with an injury. The injuries I went into MMT 100 with seem to be healed with only a little ache and tightness behind the knee, but that is dealt with with ice and a foam roller. To be honest, running will make them it go away for a couple of days, but will aggravate the ankle so I guess it's one of those "gotta do what you gotta do" situations and I don't want to risk my long term racing goals.



I came out of MMT with a case of tendinitis in my left ankle. After the race the foot and ankle swelled badly and there were two hard lumps just above the ankle where the toe extensors pass through the ankle. This resulted in me not being able to control the last two toes on that foot. At the request of my orthopod I am attempting to go two weeks without running. The foot is responding and healing rapidly so the two weeks are going to be hard.



To deal with this I am spending time in the gym spinning and lifting weights and also walking all of my errands, following each activity with a session of elevation and ice. I am also going barefoot once again and this seems to help since it makes my toes at least try to move and grip the ground when walking. My husband is also massaging the ankle and foot each evening and this seems to help break up the knots and allow my body to reabsorb the hardened areas. The movement is back somewhat in the toes, although not what it should be.



As for going barefoot, I am sure that I got some funny looks yesterday as I walked home from the grocery store barefoot with my three youngest kids in tow, a ruck sack full of groceries on my back, and a large watermellon in my arms. I will pick up a pair of Vibram FiveFingers this weekend. The pavement is getting quite hot here in Texas and I will need the protection they afford.



This morning I warmed up by spinning then did a leg workout. I was able to do squats, calf raises, leg extensions, hamstring curls, abductors, and adductors without any pain. I have been pleasantly surprised by the gain I have made in my strenght since MMT, I have dropped a few pounds in weight, but have had to bump up all my weights in the gym. I wanted to try for lunges this morning, but the ankle would not cooperate and I was not able to do even one without feeling it, so decided to save those for another day.



This afternoon I walked to the grocery store for fresh supplies for tonight's dinner and I plan to take a walk to a park later this afternoon with my three youngest when they return from school. And possibly walk to the video store to return some videos if the time allows. Will see how that goes.



Other than that I feel that I am finally coming out of this recent funk and life is getting back to normal.

Barkley 2009 - The Race Itself

Around 9:45 Saturday morning people began to say that Gary would be sounding the conch at any moment. I quickly grabbed my camera and was off to the race headquarters. The conch sounded at about 9:54am. We now had exactly one hour to finish getting ready and to get to the start line for the lighting of the cigarette. I had packed my backpack the night before and had made it so that I would be ready for a start as early as midnight if necessary. I had put my headlamp and flashlight and warmer clothes into the bag of clothes that I would get dressed from to start the race just in case, so the late start did not require me to alter what I had packed, all I had to do was move the lights and warmer gear to my pack and I would be ready. Even so I was running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off rechecking my pack. It was during this hour that my ex-husband and his new wife arrived to pick up the three youngest kids for the weekend. I kissed the kids goodbye and headed towards the start.

I arrived at the race headquarters in time to have my picture made beside my contribution to the “prayer flag” and then headed towards the yellow gate. It was nice to put a few more faces with names. But what was really going through my mind was that I was really and truly at the starting line of The Barkley Marathons!!! This was a dream come true. I quickly kissed my Mom and went to the middle of the group of runners. I then saw my husband and received one more quick kiss before the start.

Gary stood with cigarette ready and made the comment that this is usually the time at a race in which last minute advice and encouragement is given by the race director to the runners. However, “this is the Barkley” is what we were sent “out there” with. Somehow it seemed perfectly fitting. And with that, he lit the cigarette and we were off. We all walked around the gate and made our way towards the Bird Mountain Trail. There is no running start to the clockwise loops of this race since the uphill climb begins immediately.

The race began on a dirt road that runs through the park. This lasted about a quarter of a mile and then we made a left onto the first trail. This part of the trail was very well marked due to being one of the more popular public hiking trails in the park. It is, however, fairly steep as it switchbacks it’s way up the mountain. What resulted was a long line of runners walking up the mountain at varying speeds. It was quite a sight to look ahead and behind and see the line of runners. There was a lot of talk here about speed, heart rate, plans for later in the loop, and also the enjoyment of being on a well marked trail. I settled into a comfortable pace that would not come back to bite me later while at the same time would be a good warm up for descending the opposite side of the mountain. All was good and I couldn’t remember being happier. I thought my smile might crack my face as I headed upwards. The injury to my foot was not even whispering this morning and I was thankful, I had spent the previous night sleeping with my TENS unit on my foot and it seemed to have paid off.

We arrived at Book 1 in a group and I quickly retrieved page 22 which corresponded with my loop one number. Very quickly we were off towards the next book. As we continued towards Book 2 the footing became a little less sure with the trail being well marked for the first part, but there being some branches across the trail not to mention it wasn’t as wide nor did it provide as good a footing as the first trail. It was during this section that I reaggrivated my heel. I was running at a pretty good pace when my right foot slipped under a small sapling and when I tried to correct and launch off that foot the next didn’t land securely and when the right foot came down again it was like an explosion of pain that made the world go dark for a second and I saw stars. This was not a new sensation and I hoped I could just run it off. I can run through pain as long as I know it is just pain. But this time it took all my concentration to not limp or allow my gait to change. This is not a race in which your attention needs to be on your gait. I needed to be correlating what I was seeing with the map and the directions for use on further loops when I would most likely be alone and in the dark.

The only lucky thing I had going for me at this point was that the terrain was very familiar and nearly indistinguishable from the mountains I grew up in. I was completely comfortable and at home on the course, but I knew how easy it would be to get lost and turned around. It was around this time that I linked up with Mike O’Melia and we stayed together, leap frogging each other occassionally, for the next section of the trail towards Book 2. Our only snafu was when we accidentally took the direction of the trail towards the road that would lead back to camp. Upon arriving at the road we knew we had made a mistake and we turned around and backtracked towards the sign for the trail we were supposed to be on. Several people passed us at this point and we followed along towards Book 2. We soon found the trail closed sign that we were expecting. We continued beyond the sign and began going through the blowdowns towards the cutdowns all the while trying to stay at an even altitude instead of taking the easier high or low road. During this portion I was pulling up the rear of our little group since my foot was really giving me problems and it wasn’t exactly responding as I wanted it too and I didn’t want to take a bad step and a fall.

We reached Book 2 fairly easily and I quickly retrieved my page and was ready to set off. I believe this is where Mike realized he had lost his map and his page from Book 1. Somehow I ended up alone on the trail for the next little part and this was when I got lost for the first time. I had read in the directions that I would continue down switchbacks until I got to SOBD. I was following switchbacks and saw a stream in front of me and noticed that there was a switchback on my side of the stream. I followed that swichback and continued around and down. I was lost for several minutes before I realized my mistake and started making my way back to the stream crossing. As I came back to where I had gone wrong I ran into Leonard “Butt Slide” Martin and from this point through Rat Jaw I would follow his lead. It was during this part of the course I rechristened him Leonard “Saved My Ass” Martin.

Leonard led me directly to SOBD and to a part that I found very easy to cross. That would not have been the case if there had been much rain since the sides would have been very slick. We were lucky and crossed without any problems. We reached the road that lead us among the old coal ponds and saw that the beavers had indeed been very busy this year. I was quite impressed and thought that there must have been quite a troop of them working “busy as beavers” to take down that many trees. The side of the road literally looked like someone had taken handfuls of very large pencils and stuck them into the ground with the pointy end up. The road brought a smile to my face since it was pretty much identical to an old mine road with coal ponds that is halfway up the mountain from my childhood home.

We left the coal road when we saw the stacked stones and started up the switchbacks that would take us to the Garden Spot and Book 3. This portion of the course does not have any painted marks on the trees, but there were orange flagging tape pieces tied around trees and there was even double markings for a majority of the switchbacks. Following these we made our way to the Garden Spot without any trouble. We retrieved our pages from Book 3 and then headed back in the direction we came from in order to make use of the water drop since we knew that there would be no potable water through the Stallion Mountain portion of the course.

Once our water bottles/bladders were full we made our way towards the peak of Stallion Mountain. It was fairly steep and seemed to take quite a while to get there, as soon as you think you can see that the top is just ahead you make your way to that point and realize that it is just hiding the next little peak. Eventually we made our way to the top and retrieved our Book 4 page. After retrieving this page we walked out to the point of the bluff to take a heading on where we were going and made our way off the bluff and in that direction.

Through this next section I concentrated on following Leonard while also trying to relate what I was seeing with what the written directions said with what the map looked like. This is the true problem for virgins on the course in my opinion. Trying to take everything in at the same time and make sense of all of it for further loops all the while knowing that you will be tired and not as clear minded when you see this again, not to mention it will most likely be in the dark so you need to visually locate things that can be seen at night. This little exercise is one of the many things that make this course so mentally exhausting. When “out there” on the Barkley course it isn’t just about putting one foot in front of the other, but making sure that foot is going in the right direction and that you can repeat that direction on further loops, even if it is dark and foggy.

I was actually very relieved when we reached the power lines and started up Testicle Spectacle. This part of the course involves a long steep climb, but no navigational effort whatsoever. Just stay under the power lines and you will be on course. The climb up Testicle was definitely a ballbuster, but I was enjoying it. It seemed that as long as I was climbing my foot wasn’t hurting. I was beginning to hope that maybe I had indeed “walked off” the pain and that the foot wasn’t going to start back giving me any problems. I began to pick up my pace here and made up for some of the time used when I had been lost earlier.

Once I reached the top and began the descent of Meth Lab Hill I quickly realized that the dream of the foot being okay wasn’t happening. This was when I began to really look forward to the climbs and dread the descents. As for navigation, Leonard was dead on and took us directly to Raw Dog Falls without any corrections needed. We were able to retrieve our Book 6 page quickly and we were off towards Danger Dave’s Climbing Wall and then on towards highway 116 and Pig Head Creek. I believe it was during this section that I took a few pretty good falls. My foot was becoming more uncooperative and was occasionally completely numb so my footing wasn’t what it should be. I did many of the descents in crabwalk fashion. It was during this time that I began to believe that I wasn’t going to even make one loop. This was hard to swallow and I spent a lot of mental energy trying to be smart about my decision. I felt that I could probably push on and make the foot cooperate enough to at least complete one loop, but what would be the cost? I was still holding on to a glimmer of hope that the foot would stop hurting and start cooperating. It had happened before when I was fighting Achilles’ Tendonitis and after about 45 miles of extreme pain in a 100 miler the pain was suddenly gone and never really returned.

I was relieved when we bottomed out in the valley since I knew a good long climb was ahead. We reached highway 116 and crossed the road to Pig Head Creek and continued to climb. All was good at this point. That ended when we came to the Prison Mine Trail. This part of the course is along an old jeep road and it was fairly flat and the foot was now worse than ever. I had developed a limp and there was no amount of mental energy that would correct it. I couldn’t wait to start up Rat Jaw.

We reached the start of Rat Jaw trail and began the climb. This was a relief for the foot and I was able to make good time here. The only issue was when I saw a rock outcropping before I reached the actual bluff and wondered if maybe the book would be to the right of that and I went off trail to investigate. The directions say that the bluff is halfway up the trail. Being as this was the first time I was to see this trail I did not know where halfway was and also being that a rock bluff can be a subjective description I wasn’t sure what I would encounter. I didn’t want to have to backtrack downhill so I wasn’t going to pass up what could possibly be the right place for the book. Each time a trail or old road bisected Rat Jaw and we had a few steps on relatively flat ground the pain was excruciating to the point that I could not walk with a steady gate. This wasn’t looking good and I was soon to realize that I was most likely out of the game for today. While the Barkley is my most desired race, it isn’t my only and to give it my all and risk a long term injury was not the smart way to go about this, especially if all this was happening on loop one!

I arrived at the bluff which contained the book and quickly located Book 7. I retrieved my page and continued up Rat Jaw. As I neared the top I saw Rich and Marcia’s husband (sorry, have forgotten his name at the moment). They were snapping pictures and smiling and calling encouraging words from the top. I made my way there painlessly but knew that the real test would be when I tried to walk across even ground. I still had hopes and even sent out a little prayer that my foot would be magically better, but this wasn’t the case.

I continued up the hill to the water drop after telling Rich that I was in fear that my race was over. I now hoped that my cell phone was in my pack and was planning to use it to call and get advice on whether to go on. Actually, I wasn’t wanting advice, I just needed to talk through what I was going through out loud and confirm my decision, not to mention call someone to pick me up at the nearest point I could get to so as to not aggravate the foot further now that I was making the decision to quit. It took a few minutes to get cell coverage. When I finally attained coverage I texted a friend and cousin who also happens to be an orthopedic surgeon. He called shortly thereafter and we discussed what was going on with the foot. The good news was that I was not likely to do any real damage to the foot even if I continued on, the bad news was that if I continued with an uneven gait and a limp I was likely to aggravate other joints and connective tissue and risk possible injury that would really take time to heal and rehab. I had just cleared up a problem with my knee that resulted from limping through a mountainous 100k in December when the foot was doing exctly as it was today and wasn’t keen to revisit that experience. I also knew that if I continued on I still had a couple of very steep descents and that at least one of them would render me in an area that would be inaccessible and most likely dark. This confirmed my decision and I made the call to my husband to arrange link up and I took off down quitter’s row.

As I made the long walk down Lookout Tower Trail towards Armes Gap I thought about all that I had been through. The Barkley has been a dream for over a decade and here I was dropping out with less than one lap under my belt. I wasn’t sure where I was emotionally. On the one hand I was elated to even get to put my foot on the start line, on the other I was worried that I had blown my chance to achieve my dream. As I walked towards my pick up point the tears started to flow. I am not someone that cries and it surprised me, it is just not the way I express my emotions (I would have predicted anger towards myself and my foot), but I let them flow freely. I knew that I needed to let them out and to let the emotion work it’s way to the natural conclusion, otherwise it would just come back to bite me some other way. I have spent a lifetime repressing emotions and am finally beginning to learn that they always come back. Besides, there was no one to witness this perceived weakness (I know that crying isn’t a sign of weakness, but no matter how much I understand this, it doesn’t sit right with me and I feel weak when the tears are flowing and it often results in me being angry that I let something get to me that deeply). I am fairly certain that I could account for all the times I have cried during my adult life on both hands with digits left over and that if I included my toes I might account for my last 30 years worth. However, I was happy to let myself feel what I was going through and it somehow felt right. I can’t describe or label what those feelings were, but they were strong and true.

I arrived at the gated entrance to the jeep road that makes up Lookout Tower Trail and my husband was there with the car. He informed me that he had not told anyone where he was going and that no one knew that I had dropped at this point. I asked him to drive me directly to the race headquarters, not knowing if I could walk from our campsite there or not after sitting in the car for several minutes. We arrived back at the campground and he took me to race headquarters for the playing of taps. I reminded him to get the camera and to ask our 13 year old to film it. I got out of the car and walked directly to the yellow gate and asked Gary to play taps for me. I placed my hand over my heart and listened to the end of my first Barkley attempt. Gary’s playing was true and, from what I hear, it was one of the few times he hit the high note perfectly. I felt honored to have just been able to be part of Fool’s Weekend 2009.

I know this, I hope to be back in Frozen Head next Fool’s Weekend and to arrive with more knowledge of the course (gained from this year) and without injury. I also know that it is insane to think that this race could be run with a preexisting injury, no matter how tough you might think you are. My whole life I have searched for activities that would push my boundaries and really test what I am made of. I have been told time and again about how hard things were and always found them to not live up to my preconceived notions. Barkley did not disappoint. It isn’t just about the amount of physical energy that has to go into a successful attempt of this race, it is the mental aspect as well. It is my favorite course so far both because of the physical toll it takes and the mental. One has to race smarter, not harder “out there” if they are to have any shot of completing the dream.

Easter Morning Run

I woke a couple of hours before dawn to pouring rain and temps in the 50s. I have always loved running in the rain and I lay in bed for a few minutes thinking about how wonderful it would be to go running. At first I thought that it wasn’t an option, I still had the Easter baskets to get together and by the door and my husband was leaving for a short work trip in only a few hours. The more I thought about what I needed to do the more I wanted to run. I quickly got out of bed and headed downstairs to put the Easter stuff together. It only took a couple of minutes and left plenty of time to get in a short run before the house awakened and it would be time to make breakfast and start the day. The final justification for my self-indulgent run was that one pair of my trail shoes were still very muddy from my race last weekend and needed to be cleaned. What better way to clean the mud off than to go for a run in the rain? I could even jump in a few puddles just for the fun of it. That was all I needed and I was quickly dressed and out the door.

I headed out into the pre-dawn darkness with a hugh smile on my face and was immediately soaked. Nothing makes me feel more alive than a run in cool rain. It was pouring and blowing horizontal and I couldn’t have been happier. What started out as a short run became a little longer. I had purposely not taken my watch or heartrate monitor and wanted only to run to feel.

I ran and splashed through the puddles and smiled, sometimes laughing out loud just for the sheer fun of it. Then I remembered that today was Easter and began to think about what that meant to me. Easter has been very hard for me since the loss of my Granny. I spent many if not most of my Easters with her and it was always near, if not on, her birthday. Since her death I have avoided thinking about or dealing with that loss. While running this morning I let myself think of my Granny and I allowed myself to really miss her. The tears started to flow. I can’t describe the feelings that I was having nor did I try to analyze them, I just let them run their course and let the tears flow freely. Even now as I sit here and write this I am not sure how to describe the emotions that I felt this morning. The tears weren’t from sadness exactly. I miss her every day, every time the kids do something cute, every time the kids do something exasperating, every accomplishment, ever failure, my first instinct is still to pick up the phone to share with her. No matter what i was going through she would listen and understand and accept. I do not know if that will ever go away and in many ways I hope it doesn’t. There is always some pain with each new reminder of the loss, but there is also a happiness that comes with having loved someone that much and been loved equally in return.

I feel so close to her when I am running and it is like she is with me every step. When I was training for my first 100 miler I had to do a great deal of my training at night and all my long runs had to take place when the kids were in bed. Granny insisted I get a cell phone and a headset and that I call her while running since she worried. Oftentimes we would go long stretches without actually saying anything, but she was there. She knew that I liked my solitude on my runs and she would quietly sit on the other end of the phone and just listen to my breathing. She was the perfect running partner since there was no worry about anyone else’s pace or training plans. This morning she felt as close as the other end of the line.

Doogie's Run - A Proud Mama 28 February, 2009

This won't exactly be ultra content.

While I did run a 50 miler yesterday, I will talk about that later.

For now I have to brag about my son for a minute. Yesterday he ran his second 25k this year. While this isn't an ultra, he is 14 and I am making him start out slowly. Progressing from 10k, to half marathon, to 25k, to a couple of 30k's in the near future. He is a natural runner with a natural form that is a pleasure to watch. I love seeing him run barefoot down the road to a friend's house. It is like he glides.

As much as the coach in me would like to train him to maximize his performances, I refuse to push him or set up training plans at all, I offer general advice and answer any questions that he may have. I want him to keep his natural love of running. He discovered trail races and is hooked. He even offers to pay his entry fees each time I sign him up and I assure him that I will pay his race fees, at least for now.

Anyhow, the races we were doing yesterday had a staggered start with the 25k starting 3 hours after my 50 miler. They were loop courses that shared the first portion and the final portion of each loop with a different set of trails in the middle. I had told my son to go ahead and nap until his race started if he wanted since I had gotten him up at 3:30 am to leave for the race site.

My race consisted of 8 loops with the 25k consisting of 2 loops.When I came around on both of my first loops my son was there with my bag crewing for me. I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated it, but he is not a very emotional or demonstrative kid and it would make him uncomfortable for me to more than say "thanks." This I did and after the second lap he told me he would not be there on the next go around since he would be racing. I told him good luck and that I would see him later.

I hoped that we would link up at some point and that I would get to run at least a little of the trail with him. This wasn't the case. I had no idea how long it would take him on this course. It is rooty, rocky, sometimes rolling, sometimes across a field (with 40 wind gusts yesterday), and sometimes dropping straight down or consisting of sharp switchbacks. You wouldn't believe my surprise to come around after my fourth loop and see him standing there. He had a grin from ear to ear as he told me that he had beat his goal by about 10 minutes and that he had come in second in the men's division and forth overall. (It is a relatively small race, but I couldn't be prouder). I congratulated him and took off on my next loop.

What follows is the part of the race that I will always treasure. In fact, I can't think of anything that will ever replace it in my heart. As I came out of the woods heading towards the start/finish aid station my son comes running towards me. He has just attended the award ceremony for the 25k and has his plaque in one hand and the items he needed to crew for me in the other. He has run a quarter or mile or so barefoot down a gravel road to show me his award (and remembered that I am still running and that I might need food).

What makes this so special for me, besides the obvious, is the fact that this kid is never emotional or demonstrative. If you were to inform him he won the lottery he would respond "yeah, okay." He also never brags, even when he has a reason to, and gets upset when I mention his accomplishments or question him in such a way that he has to admit to them. But now, he was beaming and he couldn't wait to show me his award. When I went to bed last night he still had a huge grin on his face.

As you know, there is a lot of time to think while running an ultra. I often take for granted the health and ability of this son, but had much time to really think about this yesterday. This is my first born, he was born premature and we came very close to losing him three times in his first few days of life. He was moved from hospital to hospital to finally get the level of care that would keep him alive those first few weeks. When it was determined that he would, barring anything unforeseen, live, I was warned that due to the oxygen deprivation and other circumstances he would most likely never progress mentally or physically (as far as independence was concerned) past the maturity of a 6 month old. He is an athlete, a scholar (99.5 average in 8 APclasses and on schedule to graduate high school early), and an all around good kid. I am one proud Mommy as I sit here writing this.